The Sadness of Satanic Abuse

I have been sectioned eleven times and you know what, until now, I’ve never felt believed or understood. My experience was never validated, just covered up with drugs or people telling me what was best for me. So, no different to the abusers really, just in a different form. Now I am on a road of recovery of sorts. I’ve been able to connect with that little boy who was abused and tell him just how much he really is worth.

Of all the cases we work with as professionals, some of the hardest histories to understand are from clients who have suffered satanic or ritual abuse from their childhood. The atrocities that they have suffered, often from their own parents and relations can sometimes seem unreal and difficult to hear.

Satanic Ritual Abuse, also known as SRA includes many, but not all of the following types of abuse;

  • Conditioning the child into believing that he/she is a child of the devil.
    This can stay with a person for life.
  • Rejection by a belief in God – conditioning blame.
    Believing the self to be ultimately bad and deserving of any and all abuse against them.
  • Normalising incest and sexual violation by members of the family.
    Conditioning and acceptance of the child growing up unaware of sexual acts being wrong.
  • Emotional conditioning and abuse.
    Yoyo Emotional Being given toys at Christmas and Birthdays only to have them immediately taken away. To appear to be different at school – keeping the child socially isolated (so that he/she won’t tell).
  • Physical abuse, beating, cutting and/or drawing blood
    Bloodletting – forcing children to kill animals to use their blood – sacrificing animals.

Keeping the child/children prisoner/s in their own home – isolating.
Speaking to the child in a particular language – familiar only within the family.

  • Performing cult like rituals involving blood smearing and rape of children, perpetrator often dressed in various frightening costumes.
    Child/children terrified into silence unable to think for self and almost always completely unable to make a decision/s in later life.
  • There are cases where children have been born specifically to be abused in this way.

I have included some true testimonies from clients who have given their written permission to allow publication in this blog and other written material, although I have changed their names, gender and all identity to protect them further.

Olive

‘My Auntie said ‘God will save you’ how shit is that? They make you naked in the church, they make you eat raw meat as a sacrifice and then they make you drink blood to reject the devil from you. I was terrified for all of my life, told I was a devil child and that to be so brutally abused in so many ways by so many men was the only way to force the devil out of me. I still think about the textures they put in my mouth, I cannot eat anything like it, even now.

Paul

‘My first memory is being led into a church, on reflection it was more like a sort of makeshift church in an old village hall, I can still smell the mustiness. In front of at least thirty others, two men dressed in robes undressed me and I will never forget the pain as they violated my scrawny six year old body. They made me drink blood, which they told me was the blood of Christ and that this treatment of me was the only way to keep the devil out of me.

I ran away many times and was always brought home, it was my father who took me to this place and each time the police or authorities brought me home he beat me to within an inch of my life after they had gone.
He told me I wasn’t worthy of attention and would lock me in my room for days on end without food. I had a dog’s bowl of water, I had no toys or anything. My room was filthy, I remember the brick walls showing under the plaster and old paper was hanging off the other walls. Sometimes he would come and get me to take me to the church place and other times he would send men up to my room to abuse me. It was always in the name of God though, always.

Nigel

‘I was owned by my uncle, he had ‘claimed’ me apparently when I was just three years old. I think I was lucky because I had a magical way of looking down on the abuse from above, the therapist calls it dissociation, but whatever it was, it helped me detach from the reality of what was happening.

My uncle was a teacher at our Sunday school choir, he would take me to their meetings after choir practice with three other boys. We were ritually subjected to sadistic assaults, physically, emotionally and sexually at every level of depravity that one human can bestow upon another. It was sick and twisted and we were all always terrified. Even now, that the abusers are dead and buried, I can’t be in the same location as where it happened, I’m far enough away geographically, but my mind is often back there and I still don’t sleep properly.

I have been sectioned eleven times and you know what, until now, I’ve never felt believed or understood. My experience was never validated, just covered up with drugs or people telling me what was best for me. So, no different to the abusers really, just in a different form. Now I am on a road of recovery of sorts. I’ve been able to connect with that little boy who was abused and tell him just how much he really is worth.

I may never recover fully, but with help I am starting to look forward instead of back. I see the new fresh road ahead and not the filthy path behind. I am looking forward yes, to a future I didn’t dare believe could be possible’.

Sarah

‘Church, church church, always the bloody church. My mother was obsessed with sending me there. She’s dead now and I will never know if she actually knew about what they did to me on a Sunday morning and a Tuesday evening after school, in that fucking church.

I must have been seven years old when it first started. They would strip me naked and the big priest would start by laying me out on a huge table and raping me. The are no words to describe the pain of the rape let alone the shame and humiliation. When he’d finished, he would pass me round while the others watched, sometimes they would make me do things to them and then after, they would beat me with a belt, for doing it, as if I’d had a choice!
The worst thing I could have done was to not cry because then they just carried on beating me until I did cry, but I had detached. I was numb to the pain, the humiliation, it really was as if I was watching from the side or up above’. The whole thing was horrific and I am only glad that I have finally found some kind of way of working through what happened’.

Any kind of sexual interaction with children, whether it is wrapped up in religion or as ritual, satanic, cult covered or whatever the abusers or media choose to call it, it is still child abuse, sadistic sexual assault and nothing more than an excuse for grown men and sometimes women, to get their kicks from forcing children to gratify their sexual perversions.

in fact, it seems, the more power they are able to exert over innocent children, the more terror they can instil, the better they like it. The children on the other hand, have no choice, no say and no voice at all. The repercussions for those affected can stay with them throughout their lives, triggered by almost anything in their day to day existence.

An excerpt from:
Working with the Trauma of Rape and Sexual Violence
A Guide for Professionals
ISBN – 978-1785921117

Sue J Daniels
MBACP & UKRC (Snr. Accred).
EMDR Practitioner
Professional Counsellor &
Trauma Specialist
http://www.traumaresources.co.uk 

Marianne

Putting the kettle on, I washed a mug, as I stood there at the sink I had a sense that I was being watched. Turning around, there was Doug, my friend’s new man, a thick set giant, standing with his arm leaning against the door frame, smiling.

I went for professional counselling, because I knew that there was something troubling me that I had never talked about. I felt ashamed and needed to ‘get it off my chest’ so to speak. Many years before when I was a shy twenty four year old, I had lived at a friend’s house for about a year. We worked together running a small café, and we were great friends. She had recently taken up with a new boyfriend, Doug, a builder on the site where our business was, he had decided to move in. He was okay, built like a shed, he could be very temperamental but he was charming and had a great sense of humour. At the weekends we would all go out to a local workingmen’s club, meet other friends, dance and enjoy a few drinks. I was young, naive and cherished the freedom that living at my friend’s house gave me.

One Monday morning, I woke up with the most horrendous hangover. In fact I now recall it as my first and last. I came downstairs, my friend took one look at me and said:

‘Oh Marianne you can’t possibly come to work like that. You look green (at which point I went and vomited outside in the garden). Go back to bed. It shouldn’t be too busy today.’

That was all I needed to hear. I was off back up those stairs feeling like absolute death. I must have fallen into a deep sleep, because before I knew it, it was eleven o’clock. I went downstairs, thankful that at least my head had started to clear. Every fibre in me was screaming out for coffee. Putting the kettle on, I washed a mug, as I stood there at the sink I had a sense that I was being watched. Turning around, there was Doug, my friend’s new man, a thick set giant, standing with his arm leaning against the door frame, smiling. He was completely taking up the whole space, thoughts quickly raced through my mind. I was panicking and instinctively frightened: what was he doing here? Why wasn’t he at work? I wanted to get out of there as fast as I could, but there was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, I was standing in a baggy t-shirt, and he was stood there watching me, nervously I asked:

‘Can I get you a cup of tea Doug?’

There was no answer and no time to get away. He lunged at me grabbing my hair, throwing me onto the hard floor, three times over a two-hour period, right there, in the kitchen he raped me, over and over again. When he had terrorised me enough, he carried me upstairs to the bathroom, where I vividly remember him locking the door behind us. I swear I thought that was it,  I was going to die in that bathroom, I really thought he was going to drown me. He placed the toilet lid down and told me to sit there and wait, like a rabbit in headlights I just did what he said, I was too frightened to do anything else.

And then he calmly ran a bath, he put bubble bath in it and even tested the temperature, I was so confused by the inconsistent behaviour of this man. On reflection, I must have been in complete shock. And then in a surreal moment he picked me up and gently lowered me into the bath, gently washing me. I was terrified and utterly confused.

While he was doing this ‘washing’ thing, it was as if he completely owned me, controlling every move. I was still frozen rigid with fear as he started to tell me, his mouth very close to my face, how I ought to be frightened of him because he could actually snap me in an instant. He told me how he loved my friend and how sad and how angry she would be if she ever found out that I had come on to him in such a sly way behind her back. At that moment, I was convinced that it was my fault, absolutely convinced, and so I never told a soul, not until I went to see a counsellor twenty four years later. The counsellor asked me what my story was and what was troubling me.

I related my experience as above and explained that I had been having nightmares recently and in fact had been having them since the incident 24 years previously. I had a real aversion to having a bath, and if I did ever manage it, I couldn’t stand for the toilet lid to be down or for the bathroom door to be locked.

The counsellor was a nice man who listened intently. When I had finished talking, he said,

‘Would you like to try a technique that may lessen the impact of all those memories?’

I said I would try anything, so he relaxed me to a deep level and then he asked me to relive the incident on an imaginary screen and afterwards to rewind it. I did this technique a couple of times and then booked another appointment. Two days later I felt the best I had ever felt and rang to cancel my next appointment. He was happy for me to do so and said he had expected it. It was brilliant. I have never looked back. I could still recall the incident and describe the details, but it has no emotional impact on me anymore.
An excerpt from: 
Working with the Trauma of Rape and Sexual Violence
A Guide for Professionals
ISBN – 978-1785921117

Sue J Daniels
MBACP & UKRC (Snr Accred).
EMDR Practitioner
Professional Counsellor &
Trauma Specialist
http://www.traumaresources.co.uk 

Imprisoned in a Private Hell

Imprisoned in a Private Hell

     I remember the first client I ever saw, she was an ex-heroin addict, she had been sexually violated by her brother when she was eleven years old, that particular client session was twenty years ago now, and I still remember her to this day. The client told me that it wasn’t until she was fifteen that she realised what her brother did to her wasn’t normal, only that she had felt uncomfortable and that she didn’t like it but because she loved him she accepted it as normal. During a school biology lesson she had a light bulb moment that it was wrong, so very wrong. After many years of drug addiction and self-sabotage, it took a further twenty years for her to fully disclose what had happened, when she engaged in therapy for the first time.

     When a person has been raped or sexually violated in any way, they can often live in their own private hell, unable to speak or recall their experiences easily. Having a trained professional to listen, with both their ears and their heart, can be priceless to that individual and is the beginning of healing and restoration for that person.

     In the two decades that I’ve been privileged to work with each and every client, I’ve been continually surprised at the bravery and courage often shown. But long term working with people who have been traumatised by rape and sexual violence or those who have survived childhood sexual assault can be exhausting to say the least. It has certainly made me question humanity over and over again and why I didn’t choose an entirely different path.

     There are times when I think I’ve heard the very worst defilement that one person can bestow upon another, the shock of some content multiplies with disclosures such as fathers wearing animal masks as they raped their toddler daughters or recollections of mothers sexually assaulting their children under the guise of personal hygiene cleansing rituals.

     For those working on the front line, this work is demanding and requires professional boundaries of steel in order to assist those in need of release, recovery and restoration.

     Every week we get calls from counsellors, policing teams, support workers and other professionals asking for information and/or advice about working with rape and sexual violence, so I’ve put together the following information to answer some of the questions previously asked:

Top Twenty List of Do’s and Don’ts for Working with Survivors of Sexual Violence.

  1. Do – listen, believe and acknowledge.
  2. Do – undertake the correct training for working with trauma.
  3. Do – always have a sincere, empathic response and complete client focus.
  4. Do – have a robust signposting list for additional practical support.
  5. Do – have regular line management or clinical supervision.
  6. Do – always be aware of your own limits for working with this fragile subject.
  7. Do – have a terms and conditions or contractual agreement in place.
  8. Do – remember that every person is unique and reacts differently.
  9. Do – provide a safe, confidential and boundaried space to allow disclosure.
  10. Do – take good care of yourself, watch for burnout and vicarious trauma symptoms.
  11. Don’t – engage with traumatic content that you are not trained to work with.
  12. Don’t – impose your own beliefs or judgements on a client/patient/service user.
  13. Don’t – blame, accuse or give your opinion about choices made.
  14. Don’t – make promises that you cannot keep.
  15. Don’t – leave a client/patient/service user emotionally unsafe.
  16. Don’t – break confidentiality about what you have been told, without consent.
  17. Don’t – expect one treatment approach to work for every individual.
  18. Don’t – expect clients to work to your speed – let them set the pace.
  19. Don’t – be inconsistent or impatient with a client’s progress.
  20. Don’t – be disrespectful or abuse a client/patient/service user’s trust.

    Although working in this field undoubtedly has a shelf life, it is important to remember that it is also rewarding, joyous and often profoundly moving to see those who have been affected by sexual violation, move on with their lives. With new hope as the impact of the trauma safely lessened and for their futures to be finally available to them and to their families.
Sue J Daniels
BACP (Snr. Accred)

EMDR & BSP Practitioner
Professional Counselling &
Trauma Specialist

 

Having Access to Children….

Sexual predators, who prey on children almost always put themselves in positions of authority, trust or are already family members, friends or relations.

Having worked with hundreds of adult clients who have been sexually abused as children, the common trait has always been that child sexual abuse is about having access to children, authorised or otherwise.

Sexual predators, who prey on children almost always put themselves in positions of authority, trust or are already family members, friends or relations.

The sexual predator of today does not wear the obligatory dirty old Mac, nor does he or she hide in alleyways or dark places, they seek their prey in everyday occupations and walks of life, from the unemployed to highly respected members of many organisations.

Underneath the masks of everyday people, sexual predators will groom, coerce, manipulate, dominate, blackmail, tease, ridicule, finance, threaten or isolate in an underlying and underhand manner in which to abuse, assault and psychologically disempower children, tearing away at their right to a childhood.

Before the abuse even takes place, the perpetrator will have told or threatened their victim in one of the ways mentioned above, into believing that not only might they be encouraging and causing the abuse to happen, but also that they won’t be believed and/or harm will come to them or those they love in some way if they tell. So, in a never-ending cycle of abuse the perpetrator fulfills their twisted fantasy by actually acting it out, this then magnifies its effect, seeking then, to further satisfy their depravation upon more vulnerable children, in keeping their victim/s silent they are able to ensure continued access, guaranteeing silence and the power to further abuse.

When a child who has been sexually violated moves on into adulthood, the fact that the physical/sexual touching and assaults have stopped can seem like the end. Unfortunately, this is not always the case; metaphorically, childhood sexual abuse can be likened to a deepening barbed splinter within the body, the more the ‘victim’ holds on to the ‘secret’ locked away inside – the deeper the splinter embeds and the sharper the barbs impale on their soul, leaving scars that, for many, seem impossible to heal.

On reflection, in later life, survivors look back at their abuse with the eyes of an adult and not the terror of a vulnerable child. It can often be too late to seek justice against the perpetrator/s but it is never too late to start to heal and with the right help, that metaphoric splinter can be slowly removed.

It takes a huge amount of guts and courage for survivors of paedophiles to finally find a voice and speak out against those who have molested them and the recent disclosures about Jimmy Savile have opened the floodgates, almost giving permission for others to do so in a safe and more accepted way, all of those affected by any form of sexual violation in childhood deserve the very best help they can get, even if for some, this is remaining safe within their silence.

Sue J Daniels
MBACP & UKRC (Snr. Accred).
EMDR Practitioner
Professional Counsellor &
Trauma Specialist